My mother called me a, "late in life baby". What kind of an effect that had on my childhood, I am not completely sure. I remember certain things about my early days, though, things like: I tried hard to be obedient, I called people to pray, I desired peace, I disliked falsehood, and I wanted to please people.
The last two characteristics were known to be problematic. Growing up Catholic and attending Catholic grade school, posed some questions from time to time. Things I didn't understand or agree with. My enquiries at home or at church were not entirely welcomed. I learned very quickly that I had no right to question the, "one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church.", so I did so only occasionally. Most of the time those questions received blanket answers, like, "Because that is what we have been taught to believe." And, "Nuns and priests are holy and right next to God."
The other characteristic of wanting to please people grew more serious and contained greater consequences as I went into my teen years. I found available compromise around every corner. Adapting myself to different situations depending upon who I was with, I ended up torn with the desire to please other people while possessing the deeper desire for truth. The two did not comfortably co-exist within me. By the time I was a senior in high school, I couldn't stand what my life had become - who I had become.
"His love was reaching, an Invisible Hand, pulling me through. His love was reaching, touching my life, in more ways than I ever knew.", is the chorus of a Christian song of that era that summed up the way that Father brought me to Himself. My conversion is a story of His intervention at a time when I saw no way out, but death. His mercy, almost thirty five years later, still amazes me!
Everything became new! I kid you not! Old things truly passed away! I could see His working in my life, removing what didn't please Him, bringing about what did. I craved the validity of the Scriptures and sound teaching! (2 Timothy 3:16-17) I had been relentlessly pursued, forgiven, and redeemed by the Author of All Truth and my spirit sored at the indwelling of His Holy Spirit!
Father also revealed weeds in the garden of my life. False belief systems and ways of communicating and dealing with people that were not good for anyone and didn't bring glory to Him. Wanting His pleasure more than my pride, I asked Him to reveal all of the weeds and to pull them out of my life. Being ever faithful, He began the process. Some of the revelations about myself have surprised me. Some, I have been all too well aware of. The removal of the weeds has hurt ...sometimes deeply, but the beauty of the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) that have grown in their place cannot be denied and made any correction more than worthwhile!
That process of pulling weeds and pruning branches (John 15:1-2) continues to this day and will, throughout the remainder of them. Hence the reason for this blog. His Spirit has brought me to this specific time to share with others what He has been showing me. Some of the revelations you may not like. Some of them, I haven't liked; well, not initially. Truth simply IS. If our greatest desire is to be a bride adorned for her husband without stain or wrinkle, ...holy and without blemish, (Ephesians 5:25b-27) then it is time that we get past ourselves and focus on the heart's desires of our Matchless Groom who is worthy of all!
"There was a day when I died; died to self, my opinions, preferences, tastes and will; died to the world, its approval or censure; died to the approval or the blame even of my brethren or friends; and since then I have studied only to show myself approved unto God."
George Muller
